Married woman needs help

This married woman needs help. The adage says, ‘not all that shines is gold.’ This married woman who has spent 12 years in marriage is looking for a saviour to rescue her from part of hell, where she is temporarily residing with a great deal of hurting.

according to her own confession she feels she is going bananas, whatever that means.  Herein she begins a story of her misery: “I have been married since 2007. First traditionally then wedded in 2013. I have 4 children aged 10 years to 10 months.

My problem is my husband. I feel I can’t do this anymore. He is well educated and studied in India and the UK but has been unemployed since 2015. He was working with a bank somewhere then left the bank to join some company on a one months contract. I tried to talk to him against it but I was told I did not want him to progress.

True to my fears they were laid off after one month pending a board resolution. So since 2015 my husband has been unemployed and I do the A-Z of the family. I am broken and in debts but I feel this man doesn’t appreciate my struggle and is not putting in any effort to look for a job. The few interviews he has gone to have been initiated by me sending his CVs and yet he still doesn’t get the jobs. I have asked him to go to Mutudwe for prayers and he went like once and stopped. I don’t know what to do. I feel like leaving this man but with everything on my plate and with my meagre salary I can’t afford to rent too. 

I have not received support from his family too. In fact the few times I have put my foot down and told him to pay fees he still runs to my family and not his. 

He is very good with the children and they love him extremely. I have been on my knees, I have not broken my vow of faithfulness, I have done everything patiently but I am getting to a breakdown point. I detest my husband, I look at him like a loser, like someone who has given up fighting for us. When I try to talk to him he turns the tables and accuses me of wanting rich men and money and how I should go find them. And accuses me of being the reason things are like that. He claims I cursed him. And that he is also tired of the situation.

But how can he be tired of the situation when he is not lifting a single finger to find work, or go for deliverance. On top of that other than sex and the children I feel this man has not been there for me. He is no longer my friend, I can’t discuss anything with him. Even when I want to share something with him I chew on it for a few days or weeks or sometimes I just let it be. We are emotionally disconnected. I am a Christian woman what are my options, what should I do?

I am breaking up. I have suggested counselling which he outright despises.I don’t want to hurt my children but I feel I can’t put my happiness on hold forever.

I am at crossroads. Tempted to cheat, I am miserable, unhappy and lost. As I type this, he is snoring besides me with no worry while I can’t sleep as I have to raise over 4m in fees. Is this what they call blind faith or do I need to wake up. Please hide my identity. 

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