I had a boss once, who was a great mentor for a number of us. He was an ex-soldier, very smart, and very calm. One of his qualities was not getting wound up. Instead of biting back, he would let liars continue until they trapped themselves in their own lies. He had the patience of a saint.
Anyway, he had a favourite saying that we would often hear when things got heated. He would sit in meetings and cop abuse from people ranting and carrying on, without fighting back. He’d simply say, very calmly, “I’ll take that on board.”
It was a quick diffuser, that worked 99% of the time. Sometimes it needed “I see your point, I’ll take that on board” to win over a tough situation.
One day we had a much more friendly meeting, and he trotted out the same old line. The vendor we were meeting with knew us all quite well, and he said “you must have a hell of a lot on that boat, you take so much on board.”
His reply “and it’s a great feeling when I dump them at sea.”
I have tried to be as calm as him, but it’s difficult. One thing I do when things get heated is let the person continue on, and when they take a break, calmly state, in a “library” voice “are you finished?” Not in a smart-alec way, just like a normal question with no malice. It works for many, but for some it lights another fuse – often exposing their weaknesses to others in the room who weren’t already convinced.
